By John Mayaki
Yesterday, the Justices of the Court of Appeal delivered a resounding judgment in the petitions filed by the opposition Labour Party, Mr. Peter Obi, the People’s Democratic Party (PDP), and Alh. Atiku Abubakar challenging the legitimacy of President Bola Tinubu’s victory in the February election and ruled that the political parties were unable to prove their cases alleging voting irregularities and questioning Tinubu’s qualifications.
But one fascinating aspect of the ruling was when one of the judges tongue-lashed and rubbished the report of the European Union Election Observers. With a flourish of robes and a twirl of wigs, the judges of the Presidential Election Petition Court (PEPC) have undoubtedly established themselves as the unsung heroes of the theatrical world. Their latest performance, a breathtaking display of indifference to the esteemed EU observers and their election report, left the audience in awe.
One cannot help but express disappointment with the bravado displayed by Peter Obi and the Labour Party (LP) when they dared to bring forth the biased document from the EU Election Observers Mission. Yet, the judges, in their infinite wisdom, chose to treat it as mere confetti at a grand carnival. They scoffed at the notion of entertaining a document that had the audacity to come from their very own registry. Who cares if it bore the stamp of approval from their own staff? Original custody, they declared, was but a whimsical detail, fit only for the amusement of lesser mortals – if you like, the document belongs to the trash can and should be trashed.
But lo and behold! The pièce de résistance was the revelation that Atiku Abubakar and the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) had already graced the court with what they boldly proclaimed to be the “authentic” copy of the report. In their boundless wisdom, the judges saw no need for any other reports, especially those birthed by the revered international observers. Why, indeed, should they burden themselves with the perspectives of outsiders when they couldn’t do the same concerning the elections in the United States of America – elections untouched by the frigid hand of international scrutiny?
I must say that the judges were a veritable wellspring of astonishment, with their keen sense of justice and unwavering dedication and patriotism to the country. Bravo, PEPC, bravo, for your performance will surely go down in the annals of judicial courage and national patriotism.
And now, let me venture beyond the seas and into the realm of the red, white, and blue, where a tempestuous harakiri of an election once swirled around our dear comrade, Donald Trump. Pray, where is the EU’s report on this grand spectacle? Have they not heard the groundswell of grievances played by this noble statesman? One might have expected the EU to craft a report as a soothing balm for his troubled soul, but they turned a blind eye and preferred to bully Nigeria.
Alas, it grows even more fantastical! Can we discern even the faintest whisper of Trump’s lamentations about the U.S. election? Verily, we cannot! Thus, it becomes clear as the clearest crystal that there is no need for an EU report. It appears they have not received the memo stating that Africans alone are deserving of their benevolent gaze, while the rest of the world exists solely in the shadow of their indifference.
I greet the EU for their selective report-making skills, being a true masterpiece of the theatrical arts. As I applaud the judges of PEPC for their astounding performance, let us also give a standing ovation to the EU for their masterful role in this grand farce of international intrigue.